Cate Speaks

Politics, Poetry and Reviews

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Politics: Disability Pensioners – a bunch of bludgers?

Apparently, people on the disability pension spend more time on the pension than those who are simply unemployed.

What a set of bludgers!

As do those naughty, naughty single parents who stay at home for YEARS to look after their children.

Disgraceful!

The implication being, of course, that these people are taking YOUR TAX MONEY to live the high life on… what is it now? $300 a fortnight? Because they are just Too Lazy to work.

Shame on them. We must cut their benefits at once.

According to a report from the Institute of Applied Economic and Social Research, people on the disability pension spend more time on the pension than those who are simply unemployed.

“The long-term nature of the disability payment is illustrated most clearly in that, instead of moving out of payments altogether, the most common destination for this group is to go straight into another payment – the age pension,” Dr Kalb explained.

And perhaps the long-term nature of the disability payment is explained most clearly by the fact that disability is a long-term issue.

The disability pension is not something you get for a few weeks when you are ill and unable to make your job application commitments for the dole. It’s not something you get because you are lazy and don’t want to work.

The disability pension is something you get when you are disabled in the long term, in such a manner that you are unable to work at all, or unable to work regular hours. Award of this pension is based on the assessment of medical professionals who review such cases on a regular basis.

It is not, and should not be, based on the assessment of economists.

We should, absolutely, encourage those with disabilities to live to the limit of their capabilities, not just in terms of employment, but in terms of their personal lives, interests and relationships – which are also affected by disability.

Stigmatising them as ‘bludgers’ who are content to depend on the system and have no interest in working is not the way to do this.

The Cats With Thumbs Song (with apologies to ABBA)

This one goes to the tune of Money, Money, Money, and was essentially dictated to me by the cats.

 

I miaow all night, I miaow all day, to get outside, to get to play –
Ain’t it sad?
And still there never seems to be a can openable by me –
That’s too bad!
But in my dreams I have it planned:
If I evolve a human hand
I wouldn’t have to miaow at all, I’d rule the world and have a ball…

Thumby thumby thumby
Must be funny
To have human hands
Thumby thumby thumby
Always sunny
If I just had hands
Mia-iaow!
All the things I could do
If I had opposing digits –
It’s a human’s world!

Now evolution’s hard to do, but it is surely overdue
You agree?
And any cat would work and sweat to be an owner not a pet
Just like me.
But if that fails, one plan remains:
To get control of human brains –
I’ll hypnotise you handily, your human hands will work for me…

Mummy mummy mummy
Scratch my tummy
With your human hands
Mummy mummy mummy
Get food for me
With your useful hands
Mia-iaow!
All the things you could do
Just to make your kitty happy
It’s a feline’s world

Evol-evolution!
Is my solution
To have human hands…
Evol-evolution!
A revolution!
If we just had hands
Mia-iaow!
All the things I could do
If I had opposing digits –
It would be my world!

It would be my world!

Song: I’m Dreaming of a Hot Christmas (with apologies to Irving Berlin)

This, of course, goes to the tune of White Christmas.  Written for a friend who is in Europe this Christmas, and homesick.  Something tells me that this won’t actually help with the homesickness!

I’m dreaming of a hot Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know
Where the adults swelter
And look for shelter
And wish the North Wind wouldn’t blow

I’m dreaming of a bright Christmas
When it is light from half past four
Where the children waken
And gifts are shaken
And parents groan as they explore

I’m dreaming of my childhood Christmas
With seafood and a barbecue
With the waves all waving
And maybe bathing
And sand tracked into the loo…

I’m dreaming of an Aussie Christmas
Where smoke and gumleaves scent the breeze
With the cockatoos shrieking
And possums sneaking
To steal the fruit right off your trees

I’m dreaming of a summer Christmas
Where winter’s chill is long forgot
May your days be long, your nights short-
And may all your Christmases be hot.

I’m dreaming of a warm Christmas
Back in the southern hemisphere
May this season bring you good cheer-
And may it bring me home for Christmastime next year…

Song: The Kittens’ Flag Anthem (with apologies to the Communists)

17catherines: The Communist Kitten Party (CommieKitties)What can I say?  Our cats are mighty huntresses, so when someone sent me this little icon, I had to write an anthem in their honour.  This one goes to the tune of O Tannenbaum, and is of course based on The Peoples’ Flag.

The kittens’ flag is deepest red,
It shrouds our furred and feather’d dead,
And ere the rodent limbs grow cold,
We’ll drink their blood, and dye each fold…

(chorus)
Then raise the scarlet standard high.
Within its shade we’ll live and die,
Though humans flinch and rodents fear,
We’ll keep the red flag flying here.
Look round, the people love us cats!
They love us more when we kill rats.
And if rats give them such a thrill
Then pigeons must be better still!
(chorus)
Then raise the scarlet standard high.
Within its shade we’ll live and die,
Though humans flinch and rodents fear,
We’ll keep the red flag flying here.

It waved above our infant might,
When we slew moths in gardens bright;
It witnessed many a deed and vow,
We must not change its colour now.
(chorus)
Then raise the scarlet standard high.
Within its shade we’ll live and die,
Though humans flinch and rodents fear,
We’ll keep the red flag flying here.

With necks uncollared swear we all
To bear it onward till we fall;
Come laundries dark or humans grim,
This song shall be our parting hymn.
(chorus)
Then raise the scarlet standard high.
Within its shade we’ll live and die,
Though humans flinch and rodents fear,
We’ll keep the red flag flying here.

You’re Gonna Lose That Mouse (with apologies to the Beatles)

Do you even want to know what inspired this?  Let’s just say that every cat owner probably knows this one… It goes to the tune of ‘You’re Gonna Lose That Girl’, by The Beatles.

 

You’re going to lose that mouse
(Yes yes You’re going to lose that mouse)
You’re going to lose that mouse
(Yes yes You’re going to lose that mouse)

If you don’t take it out right now, it’s going to get away
(Under the couch to stay)
And if your sister hunts it out, then it will be her prey
(She’s going to get to play)
You’re going to lose that mouse
(Yes yes You’re going to lose that mouse)
You’re going to lose that mouse
(Yes yes You’re going to lose that mouse)

If you don’t pounce tonight, young cat
you’re going to find it gone
(That mouse can really run)
And if that mousey gets away
You’ll be the yowly one
(Which will be much less fun)
You’re going to lose that mouse…
(Yes yes You’re going to lose that mouse)
You’re going to lose that mouse
(Yes yes You’re going to lose that mouse)
You’re going to lose that mouse
(Yes yes You’re going to lose that mouse)

Oh yes, you’re clever, a mighty huntress – that we know
(Not in here – NO!) yeah
But darling kitty, please don’t let it go…
You’re going to lose that mouse
You’re going to lose that mouse
You’re going to lose that mouse
(Quick – there it goes across the floor!)
You’re going to lose that mouse
(Just get her out and shut the door!)
You’re going to lose that mouse
(Yes, you ARE red in tooth and claw)

Yes, you are mighty, the very smartest cat we know
(What a good throw!) yeah
But please, just pounce now – do not let it go…

If you must chase that mouse indoors,
you’d better kill it dead
(Or your sister will instead)
And you can feast on mouse organs,
And you’ll be quite well-fed
(But please don’t hide the head)
You’re going to lose that mouse
(No, please don’t chase it round the house)
You’re going to lose that mouse
(Please say you haven’t lost that mouse)
You’re going to lose that mouse!
(You’ve gone and lost that mouse)

The Tupperware Song

This one goes to the tune of I Eat Cannibals.  I have absolutely no idea what possessed me to do this.

I need Tupperware!
Oval, round or square
Your love is something edible to me
I need Tupperware!
I need Tupperware!
It’s unbreakable!
It’s bringing out the homemaker in me.
I need Tupperware!

What can you do
With leftover stew?
Clearmates, Stuffables
For all my vegetables
Modular mates!
Melanine plates!
FridgeSmart, Cheesmart
Tupperware will warm my heart!

I need Tupperware!
Oval, round or square
It even has a lifetime guarantee –
I need Tupperware!
I need Tupperware!
I don’t want to share.
I’ll have to host a Tupperware Party.
And get Tupperware!

Grinder for spice
Tray to make ice
Quick Shake, Jel-Ring
Forget the budgeting
Spatula, whisk
I can’t resist!
Zen Bowl, Salad Bowl
Give me more, I want it all!

I need Tupperware!
Oval, round or square
That Pick-A-Deli’s calling out to me…
I need Tupperware!
I need Tupperware!
Need it everywhere
I think I love the Tupperware Lady.
For her Tupperware.

All I wanna do
Is make a meal with you
We all have to eat
But life is not complete
If leftovers aren’t stored
(Shape-O, Snack Cups – I’m never gonna stop!)
In my pretty plastic horde
(Rock’n’serve, Season serve – I really do deserve!)
No matter the supplies –
(Burping plastic, it’s so fantastic!)
I have every size!
(I need Tupperware!)

I need Tupperware!
Oval, round or square
There can’t be too much Tupperware for me.
I need Tupperware!
I need Tupperware!
It’s a love affair –
I’m gonna be a Tupperware Lady.
And get tupperware!

Hostess gifties, always very nifty
Pinks, reds, greens, blues, how can anybody choose?
Sift-N-Store, Mix-N-Pour, not enough, I must have more…
Bake-to-Basics, Quick Shake, you’re the icing on the cake!

ChefSmart corkscrew, incredibly efficient too
Tumblers, Litre Jug, EZ wave, Commuter Mug,
Flan form, loaf form, help my pantry to reform!
Full up, can’t stop, must have a Forget-Me-Not…

I need Tupperware!
Oval, round or square
There can’t be too much Tupperware for me.
I need Tupperware!
I need Tupperware!
It’s a love affair –
I’m gonna be a Tupperware Lady.
And get tupperware!

Politics: The Australian Greens – to join, or not to join?

Is it symbolic, do you think, that when I letterboxed for Labor last week, I got sunburned on my right shoulder, but when I handed out how to vote cards for the Greens yesterday, I got burned on my left shoulder? Comments about the left- and right-wingishness of these parties come strongly to mind… (if you’re wondering why I was helping two separate parties, it is because a friend of mine was running for the wrong party ;-), and also because for some reason they do not print political parties next to names on Council ballots, which I think is appalling, so I want to make sure as many people as possible actually know who they are voting for, whether it is someone I like or not)

I’ll not go into detail about the joys of walking 40 minutes in weather which is 34 degrees and humid in order to stand around for 2 1/2 hours handing out how to vote cards in more of this weather. I’m sure you can imagine it. I suggest you don’t, though. It wasn’t fun, and while it may have been my own stupidity that caused me to wear brand new sandals, that did not add to the fun. I did quite enjoy the scrutineering, though, despite the heat and the fact that we couldn’t turn on the airconditioning because it blew the papers around. I really do not cope well with hot weather, and I stupidly did not have any water with me, so I’m still feeling a bit wrecked.

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Politics: My first election day as a How To Vote Hander-Outer and Scrutineer

We’ve got Howard back. Worse, we’ve got him with an increased majority in the lower house, and an absolute majority in the senate. We don’t even have the Greens in Senate; due to the preferences of Labor and the Democrats, Family First is getting a seat instead. This is doubly annoying, because the Green vote was almost enough for a seat in their own right, whereas Family First were nowhere near the quota.

I’m not going into how disappointed I am. You can probably all guess this already. I do hope the US manages to get rid of Bush, though, or there is no hope for us.

Now for yesterday. Yesterday turned out to be a very long day indeed. While in the end someone else put up the signs at dawn, I was at the booth from 11:30am to 8:30 pm or thereabouts. I ended up handing out how to vote cards for nearly six hours straight – it would have been four, but one of our relievers didn’t show up, and the other one got a call from his workplace 20 minutes after he arrived and had to leave. So I was back on again. A sensible Catherine might have been less hyperactively manic in the first two hours, but I don’t know any of those…

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Politics: One Day More!

(Sometimes, you just have to go with the Les Mis thing…)

This time tomorrow, I will be handing out how to vote cards for the Greens at Fawkner Primary. You probably know that already.

And I’d like Labor to win, with the Greens getting enough seats to have a chance of asserting a conscience. You probably know that too.

But this is the important thing. This is the thing I really, truly wish for about the election.

I wish everyone casting a vote in this election would cast it with thought, with intent, with an understanding of who they are voting for. No donkey votes. No voting what your friends or family or work say you should vote for. Consider, with your best mind and best heart, what it is you want most out of the options available, and vote for it.

If I had someone to pray to, that is what I would pray for. If I had the faintest idea how to focus magic in that direction, I would do so.

I don’t, so I’m just going to hope it as hard as I can, and ask others who read this to do likewise.

Of course, if everyone does this, we may still wind up with Howard. And I’ll really hate that. But that would be less important than the fact that we would have actually exercised democracy as it should be exercised. If we get Howard back because people aren’t thinking, or don’t care, or are lazy, that would be the ultimate failure.

If we get him back because the Australian people have really thought, really considered all their choices, really truly believe that he is the best option, then that is a victory. Even if I, personally, don’t like it.

Anyone who volunteers to hand out how-to-vote cards tomorrow is my friend. Regardless of what party they are working for. Because these are people who care about where this country is going to go for the next three years, and who are prepared to act on that caring.

And that is the most important thing of all.

Politics: Resources for Senate Voting

I thought some people might be interested in this link:

You can click on your state, and find out who all the senate candidates are, including their political party, occupation and contact details (brave people!).

I find this very appealing, as a below-the-line voter; it’s always nice to know what people represent, and a certain amount can be gleaned about a person by their choice of occupation. In my case, for example, it is easily gleaned that I must be a raving lunatic – but I digress.

This is definitely much more useful than voting on the basis of people who have cool names – a tactic I have occasionally resorted to when unable to tell the difference between parties…

I’m also finding this page here a remarkably useful resource; all sorts of questions and answers about how Australian politics works, although I am mostly learning about how everyone else works… The organiser at the Greens meeting commented that the Australian Electoral Commission is a ‘national treasure’, and I’m beginning to understand what he means. I hadn’t realised today that not every country has a politically neutral group running the election – it would never have occurred to me that they wouldn’t. More and more about a certain election involving shrubbery of a dubious nature starts to become clear…

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